My computer is working! My friends, this is a miracle! I've wanted to update you on things for quite a while but without a computer to plug in my camera or type long winded posts without getting thumb cramps, it has been impossible. My host dad wanted to try and fix it for me the other day and when i went to show him the problem, BAM! It turned on and worked fine! I'm not getting my hopes up but here's some updates:
1. I've had a lot of questions about why i am teaching English.
Besides that it's a chance to be in another country, a chance to help people, or a new experience, why teach Lithuanians English? I myself have not really known the answer, it just sounded like a good idea. All the parents of the students i teach always tell me what a great thing i am doing and how appreciative they are that i am doing this. I halfheartedly understood their appreciation. Sure, coming here, pausing my life, and teaching for free is a noteworthy thing and i get that it's important to know such a wide-spread language. But it just seemed small. It hadn't felt like it was this great service everyone kept saying i was doing.
I was eating dinner with a parent the other day and when she too, started expressing her appreciation i asked her why it it so important. She explained some of the history of Lithuania. The invasion of the soviets and when they finally gained their independence just over 20 years ago. It left the country relatively poor, but free. I think a big thing was just being able to speak their own language when and where they wished. However, she explained that because the language belongs to such a small population of the world, textbooks and other things are still in other languages because they are too expensive to have translated. So by the time she went to college, and ultimately medical school, she either had to know Russian or English to study. So basically if you want to go to college and get a good education as a Lithuanian, you must either study abroad or learn English or Russian Since keeping their independence from Russia is so important, English is the door to a world of possibility.
It's a concept that I, as an American, take for granted. That is why I am teaching English. Because somewhere down the road, one of these kids is going to need to perform a heart surgery or something. It could even be on someone i know, or maybe even me. And they will be able to say, "I want a scalpel" all because i taught them how to say i want.
The mother's explanation was a great blessing of comprehension for me. It helped me feel like on the days when the kids aren't into it, when they are climbing on the tables, cursing in Russian, telling me I'm not as pretty as the last teachers or more strict, when they bring animals to class, when they are screaming, singing that darned gangam style song..... It will be okay. It's kind of like being a mom: It's hard to do so much work for someone who doesn't appreciate it or recognize it's there, but i love them so much the difficulty is sliding to the background. These kids don't have to appreciate me now, but when they go to study for their medical exam, i vainly hope they'll think of me.
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Difficut Child: Teacher, do you like a mouse?
Roommate: Sure i guess, as long as it's not in my house.
Difficult child: *pulls live mouse from his pocket after being in class for over an hour.
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This picture explains so much, it really is worth 1000 words. Examples, "The girl who bit my finger" "You'll get a token if you smile" "Flamingo hand prints are only cool if you get dirty" |
2. I went to Poland.
Several people do this program to travel relatively cheap. Once you get over here you can catch a nice bus (personal tv's, electrical outlets, wi-fi, reclining seats, and drunk twenty something's who wish you "Happy Valentine's all year!" because they heard you speak english and that's all they know how to say) to other countries for less than $30! I didn't plan on traveling much once i got here, but getting the chance to visit Auschwitz was the one opportunity i knew i'd take if i could.
Poland was really such a nice beautiful country. I only wish i could have seen it in the summer when things are green and blooming. The architecture in Europe never ceases to amaze me, i would take a year just to study some of it. Any of my architecture friends, getting over here is a must.
So, the reason i went to Poland was to see some WWII History. Auschwitsz, Shindler's factory, and the Jewish quarters where thousands of Polish Jews were relocated to their own section of the city. I hadn't known much about Oskar Schindler before i went to poland, but we were able to visit the museum of his factory where he saved the lives of thousand by employing people who would have died because they were unfit for labor. The museum touched on a lot of polish history i was completely unaware of. It's incredible how you think you know about something, just to find out a world more of information. I don't think you can really say, "I know all about ___." Because even if you know the anatomy and physics of a butterfly, you still don't know what it feels like to fly, to flap wings, the thoughts it has or if it has thoughts. Anyway.... I learned so much.
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| Pots, plates, bowls, and what-nots made in Oskar's factory. Most of these things were flawed, dented, even unusable because the indivduals who made them weren't able to do the work. The compassion for individuals without limbs, a right mind, steady or strong hands... it's such a noble act i'm glad i got to appreciate by going in person. |
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I imagine there is little more disheartening than when all has been taken from you and then someone seeks to destroy your hopes as well.
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Auschwitz. There is not much to put in words about my experience. Only that i am grateful that i got the opportunity to walk the grounds of a place i have studied about since i was young. In the words of Pocahontas "I learned things i never knew, i never knew."
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"Work makes you free"
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The deceptions are endless. At one point on the tour they showed us a case that had tickets people actually paid for to come live at the camp. I can't even imagine.
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| Women and children arriving at the camp |
There were so many photos hanging on the walls of the camp. Most pictures we see were taken by Germans and don't document certain aspects of the events there, but a camera was found that had been smuggled in. The pictures were all blurry and skewed because it was done in secret but showcased the daily realities of the camp.
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| These are some of the actual cans of cyanide that were dropped into the gas chambers. |
There were rooms like this full of things the Germans kept. Mostly things the Germans took from the prisoners as soon as they got off the train. The prisoners had picked and brought their most valued possessions The Germans stored these in big factories and would send them back to soldiers and German civilians. We are talking big, big factories. All but one was destroyed by the Germans at the end of the war to hide evidence of their crimes. Even this one was so big that the camp now holds rooms and rooms of what was found. Rooms full of shoes, suitcases, hairbrushes, prosthetic limbs. The hardest part of the whole tour for me was a room full of hair that had been cut from the women. It was so real walking past blonde curls and matted ponytails.
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| This would have been such a place to stand, freedom just past that gate. |
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| The only gas chamber that wasn't destroyed |
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| Most of the barracks were made of wood and destroyed at the end of the war, again to destroy evidence. The rows and rows of chimneys are all that's left. It's hard to see but there were so many- it seemed they went on for miles. |
People wonder why anyone goes to visit these places and study the history of it. Some say it's to not repeat history, but i think it's much more than that. Every injustice i learn, the struggles, the escapes, the resistances to defeat, add more understanding of their experience. I know i will never grasp the magnitude of the sufferings caused by the Nazis, but as i learn about them i add more sympathy for the victims and more meaning and appreciation to my life. What a shame if people never knew, remembered or sympathized for their struggles. I want my life to be remembered when i'm gone; i think most people do. Hopefully it's recognized that the trials and sufferings make up a story as significantly as the joys and should be remembered.
3. I've learned a few truths.
I mean, besides what i have already written in this long post. It seems every time i talk with my parents or friends back home i come to some new realization. Here are a few in pictures:
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| Taco Time! |
1.Mexican food is American comfort food.
I got to cook for host family the other day. They told me to make something American. I didn't know what that meant. I started planning some meals i really like to cook back home; chicken enchiladas, chicken pot pie. But every time i went to get the ingredients, they didn't exist here. I defaulted to this very small Mexican section at the supermarket. It was so small there weren't even re-fried beans. :( But i did my best, ordering an accidentally very large amount of ground beef/pork. But all was well! They hadn't tried it before, but they loved Mexican food! And it felt like a small piece of home.
2. Keep this one quiet: I miss cleaning.
I know. I'm almost worried about myself. Yesterday i came home and just deep cleaned everything. The bathroom, the floors, the laundry, the bed sheets and blankets, under the tables, etc. I was vacuuming and mopping and scrubbing for a few hours. My roommate came home and said, "This is the happiest you've been in months!" Seriously, you don't appreciate the ability to clean things until you can only clean your room in the house and even then, your sides of that room all with limited supplies. I'm actually excited to go home and clean my mom's house. (<----this statement is subject to change....but true)
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| Walls of people. Just jump in. |
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| Traditional Dancing |
3. The best parts of another country are their traditions.
These are pictures from a big festival they have called Kaziuko Muge. (I think it's pronounced Kazoo-coo moo-gay) It's kinda like the candy dance for those of you who know what that is, but bigger and for the whole country. It spans the town center (Up and down the streets of Old Town.). It started in medieval times to celebrate some saint. A few people got together and sold their homemade items. More and more people joined in and now it's huge. It's not for you if you are claustrophobic or not a people person. You basically jump in a sea of people and are pushed down the street. You just jump out if you see something you like. It was fun to see their traditional market and the things they sell.
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| McDonald's "Walk-through" |
4. Never underestimate McDonald's.
I thought this was just something American teenagers tried to do for fun- trying to walk through the drive-through of a fast food place. But alas, it's real. You really can have a "Walk-through" experience at McDonald's
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| I love you Mom! |
5. Packages from America take FOREVER and end up being pricey to claim, but are well worth the effort.
It took about 6 or 7 weeks but i finally got my care package! Easy mac, american candy, encouragements, and gifts for the kids couldn't have come at a better time. Thanks mom!
4. When things get rough.
Well lastly, It seems there's been a lot of hard times going around with my friends and family. It's been hard being so far away from the people i want to comfort and from those who could comfort me in my trials. As I've sought for direction, I've read several things that i found comfort in. One in particular has helped a lot.
“Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend … when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that’s present—love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us [happiness]—the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth.” - Sarah Ban Breathnach
It's so easy to get caught up in what's hard and the things that seem to break me down, but I've tried to recognize at least one thing each day that is a blessing. As I do, i realize the things which are most important and those things become my thoughts and happiness. Everything else seems to shrink in comparison. I hope you can take time to count the blessings in your life and experience that.
I find my blessings in the present are always increasing, but looking to the future i often get discouraged. Recently a missionary couple attending my church here shared a thought before their return to the U.S. The man wanted to express his love for the members he had met here and leave them with good wishes for their futures. He expressed this with a quote:
"We know not what lies ahead of us. We know not what the coming days will bring. We live in a world of uncertainty. For some, there will be great accomplishment. For others, disappointment. For some, much of rejoicing and gladness, good health, and gracious living. For others, perhaps sickness and a measure of sorrow. We do not know. But one thing we do know. Like the polar star in the heavens, regardless of what the future holds, there stands the Redeemer of the world, the Son of God, certain and sure as the anchor of our immortal lives. He is the rock of our salvation, our strength, our comfort, the very focus of our faith. In sunshine and in shadow we look to Him, and He is there to assure and smile upon us." -Gordon B. Hinckley
Especially as Easter is near i wanted to share my appreciation that i have a Savior to guide me through the uncertainties. We don't know our future, but i believe in a Savior who does. He will help me when i fall or things seem too hard to handle. I am grateful for his sacrifice so that i may have help to become a better person. He is always near to help when we need it and i am thankful for his direction in my life.
May you recognize the blessings in your life and therefore find your own joys to guide you in your trials. :)
